Woman who married dying hubby regrets aborting baby

SINGAPORE - The woman who married her dying husband in hospital last month reveals that she got pregnant 15 years ago, but aborted the foetus for practical reasons.

It is a decision that she now regrets, said Madam Chua Mui Mui, 37. Mr Tay succumbed to kidney failure last Friday.

He was 44. Last month, the couple held a traditional ceremony in the intensive care unit of the National University Hospital, where Mr Tay Guan Yeow was warded.

The childless couple registered their marriage 13 years ago, but never had the chance to have a traditional wedding, until local radio station 100.3FM helped the couple fulfill their dreams.

At the wake, Madam Chua Mui Mui, 37, told Shin Min Daily News that her one regret is not keeping the baby when she found out she was pregnant 15 years ago.

She recounted how she had met her husband in 1997 after an aunt introduced them. They became a couple soon after. But Madam Chua, a Malaysian citizen, got a shock when she found out she was pregnant.

 "We were not married yet and as I was a work permit-holder, my family was worried that I would get sent home," said Madam Chua. After discussing with Mr Tay, they decided to abort the foetus. "When I think about it now, I regret not keeping the baby.

Our child would have been 15 by now." Madam Chua says Mr Tay used to bring up the incident whenever he sees photos of babies in the papers, so she believes he had the same regret as well. Before he died, Mr Tay told his wife that he wished for her to remarry.

 Madam Chua also promised that she would take care of Mr Tay's beloved pet Arowana. Mr Tay was an animal-lover who used to keep more than 10 birds at home, said Madam Chua.

Even though Madam Chua does not enjoy keeping pets, she said she would continue to take care of the fish for her husband.

This 6-year-old is S'pore's youngest kidney recipient

It's the miracle that he and his family had been praying for - and in happening, a chapter of history has been recorded in Singapore.

Little Bryan Liu has finally found a kidney donor, making him the youngest recipient of the organ from a living altruistic donor.

An altruistic donor is one who is not related to the recipient via family links.

So far, most of kidney donors have been family members

The six-year-old successfully underwent a kidney transplant on Saturday and is now recovering in the intensive care unit of the National University Hospital (NUH).

It was a long, hopeful wait of almost three years for Bryan, who started Primary 1 this year.

The New Paper first reported his condition in June two years ago when he was just four.

He was born with only one kidney, which was small and had abnormal tissues.

By the time he was two, that kidney had failed completely, despite Bryan drinking up to three litres of water daily, to keep it going.

His mother, Madam Serene Ng, 38, then donated one of her kidneys to him, making him the youngest kidney transplant patient here then.

But the transplanted kidney also failed because of a rare viral condition and it was removed in September 2009.

Daily dialysis 

He had been without a kidney since, and had to undergo 10 hours of dialysis at home daily to stay alive.

He also had to have regular growth hormone injections and a cocktail of medication to keep his blood pressure under control.

25 offers, zero matches 

Bryan's father, Mr Victor Liu, 50, a telco group manager, and his elder twin sister, Charmaine, could not donate their kidneys to him as they have different blood types from his O+ blood group.

After TNP ran a story about his plight in 2010, 25 readers stepped forward wanting to donate their kidneys to him.

Some even said that they would donate to others on the waiting list for cadaver kidney, if their kidneys weren't a match for Bryan.

Potential donors have to undergo a battery of tests, including a medical fitness evaluation, counselling, psychiatric appraisal and an interview with the hospital's ethics committee to see if they are suitable for donation.

But despite all the excitement then, two years went by without a successful match.

Some people didn't even turn up for the first evaluation, Madam Ng had said last year.

She added that she even stopped hoping for a donor.

It was all quiet until two months ago, when Madam Ng was told that a donor had been found.

She told TNP: "We don't know who he is. He wants to be anonymous. We only know that he's in his late 20s."

Despite knowing that there was a matching and willing donor, she said nothing was confirmed until after the transplant.

Said Madam Ng: "If he had changed his mind in the operating theatre, the transplant would have been called off."

Miracle 

So she kept her fingers crossed - until after the transplant was successfully performed in a seven-hour operation.

Professor K. Prabhakaran, NUH's head and senior consultant of the Department of Paediatric Surgery who did the operation, said it went well.

Bryan's family can finally heave a sigh of relief and rejoice in the miracle.

Said Madam Ng: "Finding an altruistic donor for him is like a dream come true.

"Now he can finally do things he couldn't do previously."

When Bryan was on dialysis, he had many restrictions.

For example, he was allowed only to drink 300ml of fluids a day and couldn't go swimming for fear of infection.

But all this will soon change, said Madam Ng.

"We're all very excited that he can finally have a normal life," she said.

"He doesn't need to go to the hospital so frequently any more. No more tubes in him, no more foreign objects in him.

"There are so many things that he can do now. It's a new life for him with so many things he can look forward to."

Still in pain 

When we spoke to Bryan over the phone last night, and all he said was "cannot eat" and "painful" before hanging up.

He may have sounded a little down, but Bryan's family were filled with both joy and gratitude.

They want to thank the donor but, as the rules would have it, they have no way of contacting him.

Said Madam Ng: "We're really, really very grateful. We didn't think there would be such a person.

"From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for giving Bryan the gift of life. It's also a gift of freedom.

"No words can express our gratitude towards the donor. Thank you for giving my son the gift of life. Thank you..."

And after a pause, she added: "It's not just Bryan, but our whole family can now look forward to a brand new life together."

And there was thanks for this newspaper as well.

Without any solicitation, Madam Ng said that the articles in TNP about Bryan made a difference.

She said: "We also want to thank The New Paper. Because of the stories, a donor came forward.

"We've never thought this could happen."

Altruistic donors hard to come by

It's not easy to find an altruistic kidney donor here.

Firstly, it's extremely rare to find someone who is unrelated to the recipient and yet willing to offer his or her kidney.

Then, the donor must have the same blood type as the recipient.

Next, the donor has to pass through a battery of tests which include a medical fitness evaluation, counselling, tests and psychiatric appraisal.

All of these require the donor's commitment as he would have to turn up for his tests and appointments on time.

All these require time and effort, and not many people are willing to make the sacrifices to help someone they don't even know.

The donor also has to be interviewed by the hospital's ethics committee to see if he can donate his kidney.

The transplant ethics committee of the hospital must give a written authorisation for the removal of the donor's kidney.

Then, the donor must give consent for his kidney to be removed from his body and not revoke his consent.

Finally, the donor has to understand the nature and consequence of the medical procedures he has to undergo as a result of his donation.

For Bryan Liu's family, it was almost mission impossible when they started the search for a kidney for him.

His mother, Madam Serene Ng 38, said: "We never thought we would ever find a living donor for him. "But even though we knew it was almost impossible, we still had to give it a try.

"We could not give up because he's still so young."

S'porean woman marries dying hubby in hospital

They registered their marriage 13 years ago, but this couple never had the chance to have a traditional wedding.

But as the gravely ill man lay in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the National University Hospital (NUH), deejays from Radio 1003, Singapore Press Holding's Chinese language station, swung into action, and made their wish come true two weeks ago.

The radio station's programme director Carine Ang said: "It was such a touching moment... everyone present was moved to tears."

It started with an SMS sent to the radio station by Madam Chua Mui Mui in April, wishing her husband a happy wedding anniversary.

Madam Chua, 37, also revealed that her husband, Mr Tay Guan Yeow, 44, had felt bad all these years for not giving her the wedding of her dreams.

After her message was read out on air, listeners called in with offers to help the couple have their wedding pictures taken.

At the time, no one knew that the childless couple - who sell roasted meats at an industrial area in the western part of Singapore - were going through a harrowing situation.

Mr Tay was suffering from kidney failure.

He had been diagnosed just two years after they registered their marriage, in 1999, when she was 24 and he was 31.

Battling his illness, they had put off the traditional dinner and wedding photos.

Until Madam Chua's heartfelt message to the radio station.

Offers of kindness

The offers poured in. But the couple initially hesitated.

Madam Chua, explains: "We were a little worried, and then because we had delayed responding to the offers, we didn't think more about it."

Then, on June 5, Mr Tay's condition worsened and he was rushed to NUH.

Doctors told Madam Chua that he might not pull through.

It prompted her to send another SMS to the radio station's hotline.

In the message, she asked: "If we want to take wedding photos, would it be too late? My husband has just been admitted to ICU."

Ms Ang said the minute their duty deejay received the message, everyone was galvanised into action.

She says: "Our hearts dropped. We wanted to do something for the couple, especially because we knew that Mr Tay was a loyal 1003 supporter.

"We wanted to do whatever we could to make their wish come true."

By 8pm, the team, which included deejay Tan Yan Wei and Ms Ang, had secured a rent-free gown from My Wedding Affair and complimentary photography.

A nurse helped take Madam Chua's measurements so that they'd get the right gown size, and the team rushed down to the hospital.

There was hardly a dry eye in the ICU when the bride walked in, resplendent in her gown.

As she bent over over her husband, Madam Chua asked him: "Am I pretty? Are you happy?"

Tears flowed freely as Mr Tay said yes, and handed a bouquet of flowers to his wife.

'I will live for him'

Ms Ang said that those who witnessed the simple ceremony included Mr Tay's family members and Madam Chua's two younger sisters.

After the ceremony, the groom told everyone: "I'm sorry that we don't have anything to give you."

"But if I am discharged, I will definitely bring snacks and roast meats to the radio station."

Madam Chua says she believes her husband, who had his left leg and right toes amputated earlier this year, is hanging on for her.

She admits that some friends and family members have asked her why she stayed on with her sick husband, whom they view as a yoke around her neck.

She says: "I don't get it, how can he be a burden to me? We exchanged vows and there's this line, 'In sickness and in health'.

"How can we forget this line? It's never occurred to me that I should abandon him."

In a recording that Mr Tay did for the radio station, he said: "This whole life, I loved only Chua Mei Mei. (There will be) no other choices and no regrets. I will love her forever and ever.

"Whether it's in life or in death, I will also miss her. Even though I will leave first, I want her to go on living and carry on with her life."

To which, Madam Chua says: "Some people have asked me what are my plans for the future.

"I don't know. I've not thought about it. Just as my husband is keeping strong for me, I will do the same for him.

"I will live for him."

NKF steps up public health education programme

SINGAPORE: The National Kidney Foundation is stepping up its public health education programme with the launch of the NKF Kidney Discovery Centre.

Visitors to the centre can learn more about the functions of the kidneys, kidney disease and the plight of kidney patients through interactive, hands-on exhibits.

The centre was officially opened by Minister of State for Health, Dr Amy Khor on Tuesday morning.

Occupying about 300 sqm at NKF's headquarters in Kim Keat, the S$1.1 million centre is the first-of-its-kind in Southeast Asia.

NKF said it strongly believes that early education on kidney diseases and their treatments should be instituted from a young age so that these conditions can be clarified early.

In the long-term, it is hoped that the general public as well as potential patients and their families would be better informed of kidney diseases and treatment options so that they can help to prevent kidney failure as well as support those who develop kidney failure.

Over 70 per cent of kidney failure cases in Singapore are due to diabetes, ageing, hypertension and chronic inflammation of the kidneys.

About 5,000 primary, upper secondary, tertiary students, teachers and organisations have visited the centre since it opened in January last year.